The water bombards me from every direction. I finally get my head above the water only to be submerged by the next wave. On and on I fight but it never seems to end. Eventually the storm dies down, the sun rises, and I can see my surroundings. I am in the middle of a great ocean, its shinny blue expanse spreads out all around me. Its beauty is both astounding and terrifying... what do I do now?
Sometimes I feel as if I am drowning in a sea of possibilities... like I can do everything and nothing at the same time. At the moment I do have a lot of options but if I feel like if I don't pick one or do something now soon they will all be gone and I will have lost my chance.
All through year 12 I have been told repeatedly about the great opportunities that are to come. I have been told about all the great chances I can have... the world is my oyster! But sometimes I feel like asking what opportunities? I know I can have "everything" but can I have anything specific? Can you tell me about an opportunity that fits with all my passions yet doesn't cut me off from anything?
I found it hard enough just choosing my year 11 and 12 subjects, I was one of those people who could not decide what subjects to do because I wanted to try everything, I didn't want to narrow my options at all. I felt as if by making a decision on subjects I was narrowing my options, closing one more door that could not be opened again. That feeling is magnified even more so now. I am choosing a uni course not out of 10 or so subjects but out of hundreds of degrees with so many different specialisations. And I have to pick one, just one and be satisfied with that.
Rather than feeling as if I have so many opportunities I just feel lost. How I am meant to investigate all these options? How do I know if there is some degree that I haven't discovered that is perfect for me? How do I know if I have picked the wrong preferences? And if I follow my English/History side will I soon forget all the Biology and Chemistry knowledge I have worked so hard to culminate this year. Will I be shutting myself off from that part of the world? But if I choose a broad degree will I be able to get into anything later? After all I am in the real world and I do need to earn a living eventually.
All these questions plague and torment me. As I am sure they torment everyone. Making decisions is hard because whenever you choose to do something you are inherently choosing not to do something else, whether it is actually giving up something else or just sacrificing some free time.
It is times like these that I am thankful I have God. I have someone who is watching over me, who is looking through all my options and who has a plan mapped out for me that both fulfills my deepest longings and gives me a purpose. But it is also times like these that I feel uneasy because it means that I have to put my trust in God and His great unknown. I have to leap beyond my own abilities and efforts and trust that He can make up the difference. And that is hard. Especially when it seems as if so much could go wrong, especially when my future is at stake.
It is now that I am reminded of a verse in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
... And I let out a deep sigh. My future is in the hands of the Great Creator, the Great provider, my human efforts are nothing in comparison to His. God has a plan mapped out for my life and although at the moment it may seem vague and elusive He is guiding me at this very moment, watching over me. So I will trust in Him.
I encourage you to do so as well. Stop worrying about the big picture and let God take care of it. Trust in His will and His way and follow his direction.
Step out and trust in God because he has a plan for your life.
A wonderful, glorious plan.
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